I had the honor in serving on the worship team a few weeks ago, one of my most favorite things to do in the whole world actually. I love standing up and watching everyone sing to the Lord and just worship. There is something about music that gives you a freedom that nothing else could ever compare to. On with my story….so as we were finishing up our set and it came time to do my solo part of a beautiful hymn which I have sang many times ……I opened my mouth and forgot all the words and how to read them so I fumbled through my part and pushed on (only my boys noticed 🙂 but Ugh!
1-0 broken body is in the lead!
For those of you that don’t know, and I don’t make this known often, I have POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). A silly little thing that causes me to pass out from blood pressure changes, to have a constant lack of O2 which causes cognitive delays and at times obvious memory loss on simple everyday things like reading or things I once memorized. POTS usually has a parent cause and that is Mast Cell Disease for me. Basically I am allergic to everything and my cells produce way to much histamine causing my body to attack itself with flushing, blood pressure changes, anaphylaxis and a variety of other things. All that to say my word recognition was gone by the time my solo part came up. Something I love so much proves to be so difficult.
So why did God call me to tell my story through song? Good question. All I can come up with is that He is doing it for me. He is my strength. Yes, I can only sing for 20-30 minutes a day before my body doesn’t cooperate anymore leaving me exhausted and needing to put my feet up in the air to get my breath back. And yes, I ask myself did He call the wrong person to do this along with the other array of questions I seem to sometimes scream out?
But, as I rewrite and iron out all the songs that will encompass my A Walk Through Me album, I am quite speechless. I may not be the strongest, most amazing performer, or even the most wonderful song writer but that is not the intent. The intent is to share my testimony to the other broken people of this world. To give hope to the broken in body, mind and spirit. Don’t get me wrong I would love if He would heal my body and allow me to be well enough to share this with the masses, but right now I am limited.
…….I wonder if I wasn’t so limited I wouldn’t need His strength, His power and Him as much. If that’s the case I will walk broken bodied till He gives me my new one just so people know it is Him that makes me, moves me and continues to use me.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” -Romans 8:28