Behind my most difficult song to write…Little Light

The song Little Light is a hard one for me…..so I will take a different approach to tell you where this song came from. I will list the lyrics and give you a little behind the scenes as to where this stemmed from. I would like to let you know this may trigger you (as a counselor I need to add this). I know there are so many of us out there who have walked this path so please take care when reading this.

My light shined bright until that day

The day when my little light was taken away

My world fell apart, my life got rough

All I could do was try to stay tough”

The above verse is explained like this…… The little light that once existed was snuffed out the day I was sexually abused by someone I trusted at 5 years old. That day I felt the light I used to have die out. From that point on I became depressed, confused and well life was tough and I tried my hardest to try for normal.

Chorus

“Little light come back and rescue me

Undo the hurt put upon me

Show your light so I can see

The one who came to save me…..”

The chorus describes my search and longing for the light to come back. I spent so many years waiting to be saved from the anger, confusion, well for the sin to be taken away. Not my sin but the sin put upon me by the one who abused me.

“I felt so alone, dark and unfree

Unable to see what it meant to be me

My world got old, My thoughts were sold

All I could do was cry out for you…

Cry out for you………”

Something happened that day sexual sin was introduced into my life. I felt alone, all I wanted to do was die. I would lay in bed asking Jesus to take me to him to live. I didn’t understand how to be a free, carefree girl anymore. My thoughts were sold to the thoughts of sexually explicit things as a 1st grader! No one should have to experience that or even understand the things I understood at that age.

From that point on I was changed

Life was now always strange

I saw myself as nobody

Not even worthy of being me”

Unable to have the innocence a child should have at a young age my personality and freeness changed. Life seemed always strange, like I was on the outside looking in. I hated myself and felt unworthy of happiness and goodness. The guilt I felt was so heavy for me to bear, totally understandable of course when I look back. But I did not want my family to know and just kept all the craziness inside.

Why is it that people can not see

How they can destroy the me that was me”

Throughout the years God has done so much in me and the healing He has done is brilliant! This ending verse describes my frustration and plea for not only the one who abused me but the abusers of this world. They are destroying us! They take away something that can be given back. Yes we can heal, thank God, but the innocence can never be reestablished on this side of heaven. I realize the one who abused me was probably abused herself, there is no excuse though for her to hurt someone the same way. Sexual abuse is detestable!!!! It destroys, corrupts and brings such heartache to the victim!

Little light come back back and rescue me

Lord shine your light so I can see

The one who came to save me”

In the ending plea of this song it describes my heart cry during the 30 years of depression, suicidal ideation and anxiety I suffered because of the abuse I experienced. I wanted the light, His light back.

Now His light has come back and the crazy thing is it never left. I was just so blinded by the hurt, confusion that I could not feel Him. If you listen to the rest of the album and discover what happens in the end you will see why I am telling my story. Ugly truth and all He called me to tell my story to give the world courage to no longer stay quiet about sexual abuse. No one should have to live in the darkness someone else caused. NEVER! There is freedom so keep listening.

*If you are reading this and have been abused in any way; emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually – seek help! Don’t live in the darkness created for you, then they would win. They do not deserve to win. Find a counselor, pastor or online abuse hotline that can start the path to healing. Focus on the Family has a counseling hotline full of trustworthy, Godly people to talk too (855-771-HELP). But most importantly hold on to hope, hold on to Jesus He fights hard for us.

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